HOW DO YOU SAY 'GOOD NIGHT' IN SWISS?

Never in doubt. When is the final for this tournament anyway?

"THE GODS WILL NOT SAVE YOU"

Good 'ol Ervin Burrell in the "The Money Pit". A true soldier of the Baltimore Police Department. Love when I see actors in small roles back in the day. Like the picture of Jeremy Piven as the a doctor in "Heat" when he's got no hair or seeing Isiah Whitlock Jr. as the doctor in "Goodfellas"

CRIMINAL

What just happened???? Can someone just explain what just happened? Never seen anything like it before. Known asshole Luis Suarez, who already blatantly handled a ball, BITES Branislav Ivanovic mid-game. Daniel Sturridge, Liverpools best player on the day, misses a challenge on Ryan Bertrand and gets him studs up right in view of the ref..not even a yellow card. 

Oh and the six minutes added on at the end of the game? Disgraceful.  Five subs, a goal, and PK and he gets five minutes? Before you say "well it took forever to take the PK blah blah blah", realize that it took forever cause Suarez, Carragher, and Gerrard were bitching at the ref and Reina was mulling around trying to psych out Hazard. So Liverpool wasted time, then got it added on at the end of the game. Makes sense. Not to mention that Chelsea had possession of the ball at the 96min mark, which was how much time was added, but the ref let the game keep going on. Insane 

I get that all Petr Cech has to do is make that save and it wouldn't be as big a deal is at is. Chelsea looked tired and it showed in the second half. Can count on two hands how many times they've choked this season. The players and coaches know it. But this game was an absolute joke from the first 10minutes when Daniel Agger fell over on his own and Torres got whistled for a foul, up until the ref and Suarez were smiling in the faces of Chelsea players after the game. Not sure what they think is so funny. But I doubt either one of them will be smiling after Suarez gets told he's banned half a season and the ref realizes how embarrassing and atrocious he called the game. Won't be so funny then.

TORRES TIME

Bout to run right over that buck toothed rat scumbag Luis Suarez and the rest of whoever Brendan Rodgers chooses to send out to the wolves. And anyone who doesn't think Torres is scoring today is out of their mind. Might bag a brace, one for Rafa and a winner for himself

C'MON CHELSEA

YEAH MAN. THAT WAS "QUITE SOME HIT"

Had a roommate in college who would rip his bong so hard sometimes that I saw stars when he'd be coughing after. Like ripping it till the smoke was like a faint yellow, straight looked like poison. Never understood why someone would smoke like that. I'm sure there's someone out there who can hit more than this guy, but I wanted puke watching this guy power through that bowl. My biggest question is what did this guy do like five minutes after he smoked. Had to have just been staring off into space for 20 minutes right? Pretty sure I'd faint if I tried to stand up after something like that

SCUM CITY

Question for Kun Scumbag Aguero. You think just cause you won the league last year you can just two foot stomp David Luiz's ass? I mean he doesn't even try and get shy about it or hide it. He literally jumped with two feet trying to land on him. No red card? What kind of fucking asshole reffing is that? On what planet is this not a red card all day everyday? How bout Vincent Kompany literally trying to take Fernando Torres' shirt off at the penalty spot and there's no whistle. Torres' stays on his feet trying to score when Kompany is pulling him down. Does the ref want Torres to fall down in order to justify giving a PK there? And people wonder why there's a diving problem in football. 

FA CUP SEMIFINAL...TYPICAL

FA Cup Semifinals, what else is knew. Wonder if City think cause they beat us all the time that they think they can cruise today. I also wonder if City know that Chelsea are close to owning the naming rights of this whole tournament and the stadium. Game might as well be at Stamford Bridge 3-1 Chelsea with Torres scoring.

LONG LIVE THE KING OF WEMBLEY

EUROPA LEAGUE QUARTERS SECOND LEG

Wasn't the right score, but I was spot on with crushing Rubin Kazan last week so Chelsea can rest some key guys. Mata, Oscar, Hazard and Mikel on the bench and obviously Ba left home. Don't hear any bitching about fixture congestion this week, huh? My only question is: Does Rubin Kazan even want to play this game? Not even playing at their home stadium and down 3-1 and Torres was running all over them last week, he's gonna score again today...I mean whats the point for them? The game and the tie will be over before the 30min mark

SCOTT PARKER DRILLING EMPTY NET GOALS AGAINST BASEL

Parker fail by Samu035

Figures it looks like Scott Parker has shit all over him when he finishes like that on goal. You're gonna miss empty net goals 100% of the time with diarrhea on your arm.

EUROPA QUARTERFINALS

I've got a solution for Chelsea having too many matches: beat Rubin Kazan today 4-0 and no one has to worry about the away leg next week and can rest some guys and even leave some home. Boom, problem solved, win win. Torres on the double today as usual

ONE DAY THIS LITTLE KID WILL APPRECIATE HOW LUCKY HE GOT

DM -Meals of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches washed down with glasses of milk might sound like a dream diet for a six-year-old, but Tyler Trovato has no other choice.

Tyler, from St. James, New York, is allergic to nearly every other food due to a condition that leaves him with vomiting and lethargy so severe that he has to go to hospital if he eats the wrong thing.

When he ingests a food he is allergic to - such as chicken, turkey, rice, sweet potatoes or bananas - he suffers stomach pains two hours later and vomits, sometimes until he bleeds.

It's followed by lethargy and diarrhea and a visit to the emergency room.

Poor kid. But could you imagine if the kid was also allergic to MILK? A life of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and having to wash it down with water?? Give me death. Yeah the little guy might dump his brains out if he eats a sweet potato fry, but I got to think he made out OK with getting to have milk with his lifetime of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

THIS DENTIST DESERVES A ROOT CANAL WITH NO NOVOCAIN

DM -An Oklahoma dentist accused of putting thousands of patients at risk of Hepatitis and HIV because he prodded their mouths with filthy instruments has been found hiding out in Arizona. Health officials opened their investigation into Harrington's surgeries after a patient with no known risk factors tested positive for both hepatitis C and HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. It turned out the person was a patient of Harrington's and had recently had a dental procedure at one of his clinics. As some 7,000 patients began getting checked for hepatitis or HIV on the weekend, the Tulsa oral surgeon, Dr W. Scott Harrington, who has refused to comment on the allegations of dangerously poor hygiene at his clinics, was holed up at his second home in Phoenix, ABC News reported. Harrington told officials he left questions about sterilization and drug procedures to his employees. 'They take care of that, I don't,' the dentistry board quoted him as saying. The doctor also is accused of letting his assistants perform tasks only a licensed dentist should have done, including administering IV sedation. The complaint says the doctor's staff could not produce permits for the assistants when asked. Susan Rogers, executive director of the state Dentistry Board, said that as an oral surgeon Harrington regularly did invasive procedures involving 'pulling teeth, open wounds, open blood vessels.' The board's complaint also noted Harrington and his staff told investigators a 'high population of known infectious disease carrier patients' received dental care from him. Despite the high-risk clientele, a device used to sterilize instruments wasn't being properly used and hadn't been tested in six years, the board complaint said. Tests are required monthly. Also, a drug vial found at a clinic this year had an expiration date of 1993 and one assistant's drug log said morphine had been used in the clinic last year despite its not receiving any morphine shipments since 2009.

This story puke city. I'm getting AIDS just thinking about getting AIDS at the dentist. This guy is all like "thats not my job i dont handle that stuff". Uhhh doc, you ever think about checking how clean your office was when your hygenists were handing you already been used floss? Seems like having sterile equipment is dentistry 101. Its a mathematical fact that nobody likes the dentist. The only good part about having a dentist appoint is when I'm leaving. And my worst complaint when I leave the dentist is that the hygenist had absolutely no regard for my gums with the floss. These people are wondering if they have cavities AND hepatitis. This dentist is the reason there are anti-dentites in the world. 

CAN YOU STILL WIN THE "TREBLE" WITHOUT THE FA CUP?

This morning makes me rseriously wonder if people think United are better than Chelsea. Do people really think that? Without Mark Clattenberg reffing, Chelsea would beat United 9 times out of 10 this season and the one loss would probably be because of a Chelsea own goal. 

The game this morning though, I've never laughed harder on April 1st in my life that watching Rio Ferdinand get SKULLED by Ba on that goal. I bet the entire game Rio was telling himself he had it under control and he was playing well and then Demba was like APRIL FOOLS BRO YOU'RE OLD AND GROSS