SARAH MICHELLE GELLER/ JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT'S TITS, TWO WORDS: WOW

Just not fair. This pic doesn't really do Hewitt's rack justice, but they are pretty phenomenal. Also, scene with SMG in her jean shorts are ridiculous. If I could choose five things to come back as in a next life, one of them would be her jean shorts. 

Also want to mention something else about the movie since I turned it on right before this part. When they leave that woman's house after using her phone, they are just sitting in the car and the woman comes up and legitimately pounds on the window and screams "HEY!!!!" to get their attention. Pretty sure that a simple knock on the window would have done. If I were JLH, not only would I have shit my pants if someone scared me like that, but I'd definitely run her over with my car. Totally irrational

PHIL SIMMS AND JIM NANTZ SET "FELLATIO WHILE COMMENTATING ON FOOTBALL GAME" WORLD RECORD

I know I say this about a lot of commentators, but I was really impressed with the way Jim Nantz and Phil Simms were able to swallow so much of Antonio Cromartie and Darrelle Revis's cum and also call the game. Second half starts and he gets dominated by Deion Branch for a TD and either Simms or Nantz says that "he can't be blamed"...uhhhhh yeah bro, he can. He wasn't within 5 yards of Branch, how can he not be blamed for getting worked over like a little bitch?

Also, for those "Revis Island" losers/Yets fans, I'd love to hear your thoughts on what Revis' role was during Welker's 73 yard pass play. Cause either the whole "I don't get help over the top or need to double team" shtick is bullshit or Welker beat him like a red headed step child. Let me know.

PS Revis holds like a motherfucker

TRUE OR FALSE: THIS WOMAN IS GIVING BIRTH IN AN ART MUSEUM AS A PERFORMANCE

Daily Mail -A pregnant performance artist is planning to have her baby in an art gallery in front of an audience as part of a work about childbirth. Marni Kotak will spend the next five weeks at the Microscope gallery in Bushwick, New York until the baby, her first, comes..She told the post 'I hope that people will see that human life is the most profound work of art, and therefore, giving birth, the greatest expression of life is art in the highest form.'"

Answer is unfortunately true. Really lady? This is performance art? I guess I understand her reasoning that its the "highest form of art" cause humans and the body and shit is wild, but how bout the fucking balls on this woman for thinking her giving birth, as a "performance", in public is ok? Newsflash: if you want to give birth in front of strangers or if you want to see a strangers vagina all ravaged with a baby coming out with all sorts of other nonsense and shit coming out, you are BAT SHIT CRAZY AND NEED HELP. Get the fuck out of here with that. I'm not doubting that when my future wife gives birth, I'll be in the room, cause her vagina is essentially my vagina and its my kid, but you won't find me delivery room hopping checking out everyone else's mess. Nothing artsy about it.

BANNER NIGHT IN BOSTON

Seven of the best weeks of my life was watching the Bruins with the Stanley Cup. Almost indescribable.  Starting with game 4 of the Canadiens series, I drank a four loko for every game. Pretty sure my brain was not functioning properly for the rest of the playoffs. Beating the scumbag habs was amazing. Game 7 against Tampa was three of the most intense hours I've experienced. I had a J rolled and probably hit it twice during the game I was so tense. For the finals, Elpres summed it up better than I could with his "WELCOME TO BOSTON MOTHERFUCKER" blog. Vancouver were such unlikable dirtbags and pussies, it made beating them on their ice so much sweeter. Anyway, just incase anyone forgot..

Here's hoping every loser from Vancouver that was outside for game 6 will enjoy watching the Bruins raise their Stanley Cup banner tonight

THIS ALEXIS TEXAS LOOK-A-LIKE IS ON TRIAL FOR KILLING A GUY WITH ONE PUNCH

Daily Mail -"A 22 year old woman who allegedly killed an aspiring rap singer with a single punch for a $5 party bet has gone on trial this week. Tiffany Startz is fighting reckless conduct and battery charges after John "Fatboy" Powell, 25, died from a single blow to the face. He allegedly accepted the money when a partygoer named Jimmy Mounts, 27, offered $5 to anyone who could take a punch form her. Defense attorney Ira Goldstein argued in his opening statement that Ms.Startz had not broken the law because both sides agreed to the punch and she has no fight training...A mobile phone recording showed him staggering back as 20 people watched, before he said Ms. Startz could punch well and then collapsed...An autopsy ruled that he had died from a brain hemorrhage caused by blunt force trauma.."

I mean chalk this up as reason #398 why you never volunteer to get punched in the head. Death. How fucking stupid do you have to be to let someone take a free shot at your face?????????? Never understood people who did this cause 12 times out of 10, you're gonna regret it. It's obvious this guy saw what a dime this broad was, figured he'd prove how tough he could be and then use the whole...five dollars...he won and buy her a drink after taking her punch, get her boozed up then use his rap/tough guy swag and bang her? No clue. I'd let this chick do a lot of things to me for five bucks, but making my brain bleed is not one of them. 

AT LEAST RAYS "FANS" GOT TO ENJOY TWO GAMES THIS SEASON

Easily the best part of this series was the announcer pointing out at the end of the game last night that this was the "first sell-out for the Rays since opening day." Hysterical. The last night of the season, arguably their biggest game in franchise history, had like 4,000 people there. Shit is pathetic. Seriously, how many games do you think the pig in the picture above went to this season? Just todays? Probably. On another note, its not so easy when you're playing teams that are actually trying, is it?

ps- pretty sure Adrian Beltre just cemented himself as a keeper on my team for fantasy next season

CHELSEA @ BOLTON 5-1

SUPERRRRR FRAAANKKKKK! I knew it! I knew it all along! I've said since the start of the season he'd find his form. Perfect game to do it cause Bolton is fucking pathetic. My biggest thing is whether this is Frank getting into Frank form, or this just a week long streak he went on. Cause the international break isn't helping his cause by sitting around. Then again, pending on whatever the line up is for the England team is, if he doesn't play, it could just add to the chip he's probably building on his shoulder. 

game notes

-The second goal was a textbook FIFA '10 goal, when it was possible to just one touch every pass up the field and get it into the box. Perfect team goal, pretty sure there were two other guys besides Lampard who were ready to score

-Serious question, has anyone seen Danny Sturridge smile? He's got a permanent scowl on his face like someone is banging his sister. Brah, fucking enjoy yourself while you're playing well for fuck sake

-Speaking of Sturridge, understandable he's trying to get a hat trick against his former team, but he had a couple chances to feed Didier and just didn't even bother looking his way. I could see it getting to Drogs, but was reassured he didn't really care when he kept trying to get Sturridge the ball late in the game. 

-Anyone who follows these Chelsea write up's (which is no one) might realize that I didn't have one after the Valencia game. I decided I'd pull a Kalou and just not even bother trying (even though I still didn't see a handball).