DOG OF THE WEEK: BRUCE

Its Thanksgiving. There's lots of things I'm thankful for: Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, Paul Pierce, my family, and dogs just to name a few. I'm very thankful for dogs, which is obvious, seeing as how I work at a doggy day care. So I'm gonna begin a new trend on here to give a little more flow to the blog. Starting in the New Year, I'll have a dog of the week as long as I got mutts to put up. 

The inaugural dog that I'll place to day is obviously my nephew Bruce. He's Brett's dog, though don't bring that up in front of our mother cause she'll probably insist that he's hers. One thing there's no doubt if is that he's the perfect boy for the debut of "Dog of the Week"

WHATS EVERYONE DOING TONIGHT?

There have been unwritten social rules, for people my age, in Boca for as long as I can remember. In middle school, you went to the movies on Friday night and the mall on Saturday. In high school, you went out one night, then went to Way Beyond the next morning for breakfast. And now, everyone goes to Atlantic the night before Thanksgiving. Its science. Why its like this, I got no clue, but its been this way for years now. Maybe its just me, I dunno. But I do know that for the next couple months, no one can complain I only go to the pub. If you go there tonight and are hot, mention this and I'll buy you a drink

I'VE NEVER WISHED FOR SOMEONE TO GET DEATH ROLLED SO BAD IN MY LIFE

 Daily Mail -"Staff at a salon Down Under have given a particularly scaly customer a bikini wax and full body exfoliation. In a bizarre bid to show off their skills to potential new customers, they plucked and pedicured a crocodile. And just in case you were wondering whether reptiles have hair, there's some on a waxing strip to 'prove' it...And when it left, it was like a new lady- ready for the rough and tumble of crocodile mating season. Louanne Grasmeder, business manager for the Parap Day Spa in Darwin said: 'breeding season is just around the corner and we want her to look her best'..Spa staff member Jamillah Allen added, 'the lengths we go for great training'."

Hey Jamillah Allen, do you usually get a lot of customers with scaly skin and claws for nails? Cause I'm pretty sure training on tranquilized crocodiles is not the same as humans. Do it to the croc when she's awake, then I'll be impressed. And thanks for proving crocodiles have hair by ripping it out of her and showing everyone. I'm sure that croc hated her hair, so she definitely appreciates it. On the other hand, its nice of you to consider making her look good for mating season. All the male crocs will be pumped...FALSE. They are gonna be looking for the chicks with huge croc bushes like they've been doing for like 90billion years. Its proven science, crocs don't shave their pussies, thanks for countering evolution to get publicity.

THE LEAST OFFENSIVE AND INTIMIDATING GRAFFITI I'VE EVER SEEN

I caddied for Zach yesterday while he played golf. Was just chillen and I look up to the roof of our cart and see this scribbled dog with his tennis ball. Whoever drew this needs tagging lessons from Jonah Takalua

YEAH THATS WHAT I THOUGHT

Easily one of the best "what the fuck just happened" faces I've ever seen. Chiefs players strewn amongst the field, Arrington interception. Just an all around skulling in one play. Starting QB in the NFL looks like fun when you suck.

Hey Jaws, how did that first half dick sucking you gave Palko turn out? Idiot

I HAVE A LEGIT REASON WHY I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN 11 DAYS..

And the reason is that I've been training to play linebacker for the Pats since NO ONE IS FUCKING HEALTHY ON DEFENSE. Does Dane Fletcher even have a thumbs? Cause if his thumb isn't already broken, I'm gonna fucking break it for him cause he's been hurt since around August and its bullshit

FUCK LIVERPOOL AND MY CLEANING LADY

I hate Liverpool more than any other team in the EPL. Just hate them. And with that fucking cheating rat scumbag Luis Suarez on their team now, it only adds to it. Nevermind why AVB didn't start Torres, but this loss is chalked up to one factor. My cleaning lady coming into my room during the end of the game. My door is closed, she obviously hears me cheering and stuff and bitch just does the knock and open and  waltzes right in, STANDS IN FRONT OF THE TV, and asks if she can clean my room. All of this as Glen Johnson is bringing the ball up. She moves out of the way and the only thing I see is Johnson scoring. Such a slut move. And if people think Chelsea lost for any other reason other than my cleaning lady ruining my mojo, then fuck off. 

PATERNO GETS DAS BOOT

I was fortunate enough to be watching Sportcenter when the Board announced that Paterno was fired, instead of him retiring at the end of the year like he said himself earlier. Pretty intense/wild/huge sports story. Guy is a legend and this is obviously how he's gonna be remembered, especially by anyone in my generation. I feel bad for him, but then I realize that someone told him there was a kid getting raped by his assistant and he did the absolute BARE minimum to do anything to help the kid or further prevent it. Fuck that. Shit is gross and if the school let him keep coaching, they'd have to drag this story with the football team the next six weeks while the season ended. It'll be bad now, but it sure won't be like the shit storm that would have happened with him around. 

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the only people who are up in arms about why they fired Paterno are students and a few alumni. And Rece Davis who thinks that JoPa should get a pass for looking the other way on child sex abuse, so he can be on the field for senior day. Look at the (not very clear) picture above. You think this kid is smoking his cig in deep thought about the morals of the situation and how it reflects on the school? No chance. He's probably looking for some chick to smash or if he knows anyone in the crowd who's holding. Kids just trying to cause chaos. Classic college

Oh and I just saw a tweet from Ashton Kutcher saying "how do you fire JoPa? #insult #noclass"...Uhh how do you fire him? You find out he knew kids were getting molested in football facilities by the former d-coordinator and then just not follow up on it. Fucking idiot

NOT EVEN TRYING TO MAKE FUN, BUT I'VE EXPERIENCED HAVING LEGS THAT BIG BEFORE

Daily Mail "A woman who had one of her five stone legs amputated and it was horrified when it began to grow back. Mandy Sellers suffers from a rare condition in which she has gigantic feet and legs but a slim, size 12 body. They 36 year old was told by doctors that her left leg was infected with septicaemia and could kill her if it was not cut off. But after 22 months after the surgery, her limb began to balloon again..'I hoped would stabilize but I think in my heart, I knew it would grow back'"

"Knew it would grow back?" Pessimist much? I mean with that attitude it will. Anyway, like I said, I've been where this lady is at for about 5 seconds in my life. I ate a decent amount of mushrooms in college when I was bored some Saturday. I started having a bad trip on porch, so I moved inside, sat on the couch and started watching TV. I ask myself if i'm feeling anything and I look at my shoes..they were a minimum size 19. They were huge! I was all like "niiice". But its wicked intense that someone has to deal with that. Thats awful

I BLEW THE PATS GAME YESTERDAY

Right after Spikes drilled Ballard and got everyone fired up, I did something I never do when I'm watching my teams play and its a close game: took a picture of the play. I always think it'll be a jinx, so I don't pause the game for anything unless they are up big or already won. So all the experts can talk about why and how the Patriots lost yesterday, but plain and simple, its cause I took this picture. And cause Sergio Brown is a fucking idiot

SUUUPPPEERRRRRRR FRRRAAAAAAAAAAANK

Solid road win for the Blues coming off two straight losses. Forget that this was a sick header, in traffic, by Lampard and focus on what made this such a nice goal. Ivanovic crosses it in..WITH THE OUTSIDE OF HIS FOOT. Like get the fuck out of here, guy. Perfect ball played in on the money and Ivanovic swings it in with his fucking pinky toe. 

ps- how does Newcastle keep winning?   

HEY CHELSEA...PLAY BETTER

RVP just Heil Hitlering all over The Bridge. Scum Gunners

Alright, I'm done with the re-caps, putting the scores of the game up and trying to analyze the games.   I'll keep it brief with things like how Flo's throughball to RVP was his best pass of the year. Or Arsenal catching a huge break when Sczdaggriohgsny, or however his last name is spelt, didn't get sent off for his tackle late in the third. Even he knew he was lucky not to get sent off. Whatever. Tie to Genk? Sending Luiz to the spot? Uhhhhhh did AVB not see Brazil take PK's in the Copa America? They can't fucking score. 

Anyway, still very early, team needs to get their shit together and fast too. Skulling Blackburn would be a good start