SICK TATS

5 DUI's for this guy doesn't seem like that much

oh and his BAC was .29

LOOKS LIKE THE PERFECT HUSBAND FOR AN INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE

A mixed-race woman who is due to marry a white supremacist  murder suspect on Hitler's birthday has spoken out in support of her man. Erica Herrera who is half Hawaiin and half Hispanic, said despite prison inmate Curtis Allgiers's frightening appearance - with tattoo's of swastika's and the word 'skinhead' covering his face - he is "kinder" and "gentler" than publicly portrayed.. She told KTVX-TV that his white supremacist ties do not respect his true beliefs..Allgier is accused of shooting to death Prison Guard Stephen Anderson to which he has plead not guilty. Anderson, 50, was shot while escorting Allgier to a doctors apointment..Authorities say Allgier had been unshackled before he took Andersons gun and shot him in the head..The honeymoon will be abstinent although Herrara said they are requesting a transfer to a state where conjugal visits are allowed.   

I don't even know where to fucking begin. This is one of those stories where you start asking questions and you just get more questions. I guess the first thing is why is the nazi marrying a hispanic-hawaiian woman when he's a nazi? what is the person who tattoo'd 70 swastika's on this guys face gonna think about this? What did this guy tell her to make her look past the word "skinhead" that's tattoo'd above his eyes? And what the fuck is she thinking? cool, you don't think he's a white supremacist and he's actually kind, but what about that whole other ordeal about shooting a cop in the head and then fleeing in his truck and then pleading not guilty? looking past that also? and please explain how he was portrayed inaccurately? cause where i'm from, society usually labels people who tattoo an anti-semetic mural on their face as a fucking lunatic 

HOW DELICIOUS DOES THIS TURKEY CLUB LOOK?

My brother asked me what I wanted from Subway on Monday night and I asked for a "turkey club..with mayo". This is what he brought back. I asked him whether he thought something was up when he told the guy "turkey club" and the guy answered "subway club?" or if at any point during the guy putting only ham, turkey, and roast beef on bread with mayo, he thought he should speak up and he didn't give a clear answer during his laughing attack. 

SOMETHING DECENT COMING FROM "SEX IN THE CITY"?

Almost two decades after emerging as a newspaper column, Candice Bushnell's Sex in the City remains a hot topic. Rumors were rife with after the second film launched last year that another was on the cards and it has emerged that SATC 3 will go ahead- with a new cast featuring some of Hollywoods hottest talents...Taken form as a prequel the proposed project will be based on Bushnell's two novels "The Carrie Diaries" and "Summer in the City" (published this year) which track the four individuals through their teenage years and early twenties before they become a united front in New York..It is rumored that the current preferences for the roles are Blake Lively as Samantha Jones, Salena Gomez as Charlotte York, Emma Roberts as Miranda Hobbes and Elizabeth Olson as Carrie Bradshaw.."


I realize I probably look pretty gay for writing about "sex in the city", but I couldn't let this go. I fucking haaaaaaaaate this show. Everything about it sucks, all of it is terrible and irrational. Obviously I shouldn't even be watching, but its so bad that i can't look away sometimes. So when I saw there would be a third movie, I was nauseous just reading the title then it said there would be a new cast and I realized how amazing its gonna be to see how bitter and catty these old ladies get when newer, much hotter girls take over the characters. Probably gonna be a lot of these looks..

WOULD HAVE LOVED TO BLAZE WITH NIM CHIMPSKY

Project Nim is the new documentary about a chimpanzee raised in a human household as part of an experiment to see if chimps could learn language. Director James Marsh and two of the people who cared for Nim talk with Terry Gross about the controversial study.

I've seen the trailer for Rise of the Planet of the Apes like 45 times in the last week and it actually looks pretty good. I don't really like any movies dealing with animals being neglected and shit, so I'm already a little sad for the ape just by watching the trailer. I'm banking on him fucking shit up and smashing human skulls all over the place, which would balance out him being locked in some cage. Anyway, my buddy told me about this documentary called "Project Nim" last week, which, I guess, could be like the true version of "Rise of the Planet of the Apes".  The article from npr.org about it pretty much sums up the whole story but the actual documentary looks cool none the less One of the most interesting things about the doc is that the "experiment" was done 30 years ago or so. Why are people still trying to domesticate primates and shit today even though we've seen it not work out in the past? I guess yeah, times are different, probably be easier to do now with science ahead 30 years. but you know what hasn't change in like 30 zillion years? their wild animal instinct. you can try and raise them all you want, but eventually they know they don't belong in overalls, walking around park with swings and slides and jungle gyms. they need to be in ACTUAL jungles, braiding their clan member's back hair or whatever they do, sleeping in canopies. Once they start to figure where they belong, faces are probably gonna get ripped off

OLD LADY DOES HER LAUNDRY, FIGHTS A "'ROO"

A 94 year old grandmother told of her life-and-death battle with a giant kangaroo which bowled her over  as she was hanging out her washing.  Phyllis Johnson had walked out from the small flat where she lives in Charleville to hang up the washing, a Sunday routine… “Suddenly this 'roo came crashing through all the clothes and came straight for me”... “I happened to have a broom nearby and I just started swinging at it.” Despite using a stick for protection, Mrs Johnson's son was unable to shoo the kangaroo away, so the couple called the police. Two officers from the local police station turned up - and the kangaroo turned on them. They were forced to use capsicum spray to subdue the animal, which was in 'panic mode,' said Senior Sergeant Stephen Perkins, officer in charge of Charleville police station.. “As it ran away from the officer who sprayed it, the kangaroo went for the other police officer and he also had to use his spray from getting hurt”.. 'I've always had a soft spot for 'roos. I used to feed them next door, give them some bread and they've always been so gentle” Mrs. Johnson said. Wildlife rangers were later trying to trap the kangaroo and are hoping to find out how it came to be in the vicinity - they are usually much further away from houses”

Alright well i can go ahead and answer that last question about how the kangaroo managed to be in this lady's backyard...she's feeding them. case closed. What i can't figure out is what to make of the fight between Mrs.Johnson and the 'roo.  is this old bag of bones tough as nails with some kind of woman version of "old man strength", or is this "giant" kangaroo just the biggest pussy in the outback? cause make no mistake about it, all the kangaroo's in Charleville are gonna be laughing at him getting worked over by a 94 year old lady and then getting maced by the cops. I'm happy for the old lady, but i'll bet the house that this 'roo will be back for round 2. there's just no way he'll be able to put up with everyone talking shit and emasculating him behind his back. 

 

p.s. talk about emasculating, how bout the guy in the video getting his ass kicked all over the set while his wife snickers and tells him where to bring the kangaroo, eventually saying "why should i?" too funny

p.p.s i lost it at the 25 second mark. it doesn't even look real, him bouncing around and punching the shit out both of them. and his textbook jump kick at 1:01 is hysterical also

GUY DID NOT LIKE WORKING AT WHOLE FOODS

A Whole Foods market employee has launched an hilarious attack on the firm with an extraordinary letter of resignation..In his parting shot picked up by the Gawker Website, the disgruntled Toronto bulk buyer, who has not been named, starts out noting point-by-point how the chain does not live up to its corporate ideas... He then turns his attention to his co-workers, about how he cannot stand to work with them anymore.. A Whole Foods spokesman said: "we disagree with this former team members statements, and we wish him best of luck in his future endeavors"

I'm only 24, so maybe i'm not the most qualified person to speak on such matters, but i'm 98% everyone can't stand at least one person at work. either way, talk about venting. what i wanna know is if this guy has been so anti-whole foods, why the fuck would he put up with it for "5 or 6 years". i mean we've all been where this guy is, dreaming of going out in a costanza-like blaze of glory. but this guy whiffs so bad on it, its hysterical. here are some of my favorite complaints:

"I was hired about five or six years ago. I appreciated and respected what the company said it's philosophies were at that time. However, it didnt take me long to realize what complete, and utter bullshit they are" 

So the company sold you on something and it didn't turn out exactly that way? Do me a favor and go to a Yext Orientation Day, listen to the employers tell you about the job, move from Florida to New York to take a job with them and tell me if you the work justifies how company presented itself. Its what business do bro, how else are they gonna attract employees?

Oh, you throw out enough food to feed a lot of hungry university students. (Caring about our communities and our environment)

are you serious right now? you're mad at them wasting food not so they can give it to, you know, starving families or homeless..but to "university students"?? never having food is apart of being college. its as normal as going to class. why do you think ramen noodles are so popular in college? they're fucking 70 cents a cup. get a grip

Oh, the food here is really quite awful on average? Almost everything that prepared foods makes is terrible. The pizza used to be pretty good but the slices have shrunk, the toppings are sparser and it's usually extremely overcooked. The sandwiches are the stuff of nightmares. (It's amazing what advertising can make people think. It can even trick their senses.) (We sell the highest quality natural and organic products available)

Listen to Gordon Ramsey over here, "the toppings are sparser and usually extremely undercooked". Dude, you woooork there. Think any of the management give a shit what you think if people are buying it? and i've had steak from the prepared food section there before and it was pretty good, so fuck off about whether you think the food is good enough

Oh, you buy poorly made, ugly t-shirts for your employees that will just be thrown in the trash and pretend they're gifts when they're really just advertising tools? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence, Caring about our communities and our environment)

what the fuck is he talking about??

Oh, you purchase products from Israel (Or any distant country) if they're slightly cheaper than local alternatives? (Caring about our communities and our environment)

oh, buying the cheaper of two of the same product to sell? im no finance major but i'm pretty sure thats good business

There are quite a few more complaints, some serious gems about the computer system used, not agreeing with the universally accepted "customer is always right" saying, and his take on inflation. His letters to his 9 co-workers are equally as entertaining. Just classic raw emotion in each one. But as unintentionally hilarious as it is, its far from Costanza

CLASSIC FRENCH TEAMWORK ON DISPLAY AGAIN

Teammates Mehdi Baala and Mahiedine Mekhissi-Benabbad came to blows after crossing the finish line in the 1,500m in the Monaco Diamond League. The furore started when Baala head-butted Mekhissi who then responded by swinging his arms wildly- throwing a concession of punches  at his colleagues face. Baala said "people like that don't have their place in sport. But saying that, its very rare to see assholes like that...I wanted to break him in two."

What's unfortunate is that there is no explanation on what exactly led too these sluggers fighting after the race. All it says is that this Baala character finished 9th and the other guy finished 11th and "an attempt to console each other went badly wrong". What could one of them possibly say to the other to that'd be consoling after both finishing so far behind? i mean i don't follow the Monaco Diamond League, so I don't know how many guys were in the race, but i'm pretty sure if you finish the race in the double digits, or close to it, you probably sucked. But I'd be even more pissed if i was Mahiendine Mekhissi-Beabbad, who not only finished behind the guy he "fought", but also loses the race of fighting by getting headbutted AND right hooked before he could even being to wind up the first of four of the slowest developing over hand rights I've ever seen.  Not to mention, not one of them landed. Rough day for Mahiendine.

SHARKS TRYING TO KEEP PACE WITH LAND ANIMALS

"A killer shark leapt from the ocean and landed on a boat full of scientists studying the beasts...The boffins from Ocean Research wrapped a rope around the man eater and tried to pull him back into the water. But the beast was too big and they were forced to return to the harbor at Mossel Bay, pouring cold water over the sharks gills to keep it alive..The shark was eventually lifted back into the water with a crane" 

Quite the couple days for animals. the lion yesterday and then today there was the story about the leopard doing work in some indian village. now, the ocean is getting involved with great whites just flopping onto ships cause they mistake it for food. what's scary about it thinking the boat could have been food is that it actually try to attack/kill something the size of a boat. but this is just another reason why i dont fuck with the ocean. i bet those scientists were pretty pumped though. here they are trying to study great whites, then one lands right on their laps for them to study up close and saving its life at the same time. that's probably the marine biology equivalent of hitting for the cycle in baseball

LOOKS LIKE A FUN THING TO HAVE WALK INTO YOUR HOUSE

A woman has been eaten by a lion after it escaped from a game reserve in Kenya. Martha Nduta was said to have been attacked in her own home, and dragged from the property on Friday. Officials, who searched the area in the Nyahururu district for her, found only a human skull and a few scraps of bone... Kenya Wildlife Service rangers are now hunting he male lion as panic-stricken villagers fear it may strike again" 

Yeah, no shit villagers fear it may strike again. Not only is this fucker on the loose, but he got out cause the fence keeping them in was busted open by elephants. Got lions just strolling in and out of their game reserve. Sounds like a comfortable neighborhood. And this lion doesn't care if you're in your house making lunch. Buddy will go into your HOME and drag you out by your face. Home is suppose to be safe, hence the term "safe house". Its why the cops stop chasing you in GTA when you get home. Now there's rouge lions running wild just shitting all over the very idea. Sleep tight Nyahururu district

NOTHING LIKE A 40 FOOT HOLE IN YOUR BEDROOM

A woman in Guatemala City reports that a sinkhole, 40 feet deep and almost 3 feet across, opened under her bed Monday. When we heard the loud boom we thought a gas canister from a neighboring home had exploded, or there had been a crash on the street," Inocenta Hernandez, 65, said..."We rushed out to look and saw nothing. A gentleman told me that the noise came from my house, and we searched until we found it under my bed"

First things first, they went outside to look to see where the noise is coming from? uhh i'm pretty sure i'd know if the earth caved in 40 feet in under my bed, or how they described the noise, a gas canister exploding in my room. Second, whats worse: stepping out of bed and dropping 40 feet into the ground? Or stepping on your foreman grill right when you wake up? thats a close one. stepping on the foreman looked painful at first, but I guess I'd just be acting "fussy" like Michael was. i can live with fussy. i couldn't live with sliding down a 40 foot hole and being wedged down there for hours seconds after im awake. probably a more intense version of Tom Hanks falling in the floor in "The Money Pit"

CHIHUAHUA > SHOTGUN

One thing thats gonna become very obvious is that i fucking love dogs. i love all animals, but dogs are pretty much people, so they are on a different level. in fact, i've said this a few times, but i probably care more about dogs than people. anyway, my initial reaction to the video was that its fake. cause to be honest, if you're gonna rob a corner store, how are you gonna get scared when a 2 pound chihuahua comes flying around the corner? this guy with the shotgun gained enough courage to commit armed robbery but flinched at the site of a 2 pound dog? makes sense. 

as for the actual robbery. how awful are these two at crime? they both couldn't have looked any more skiddish. i loved when they lean over the counter and probably saw what a ruckus Paco the chihuahua was about to cause and instead of bailing like the kid with the shotgun wants to do, the other guy literally keeps his boy in the store by holding him by the jacket and forcing him back in the for the bag, which im 99% was empty. then Paco comes tearing around the corner, stares down the barrel of a shotgun and starts nipping away. the little guy doesn't give a fuck. he knows what life is like on the streets since he was a rescue dog, he's knows rookie criminals when he see's them. game, set, match, Paco

CHINA BEACHES LOOK AWESOME TO SWIM IN

"An area the size of a football pitch has been swamped with the gunk in China's port city of Quingdao, Shandong province. Over 240 tonnes of the gunge has already been removed by volunteers working for the government's clean-up campaign."



the one flaw with going to summer camp was that i had to swim in the disgusting lake. i fucking haaaaated it, used to throw fits so i didn't have to go in. when i was 12 i talked my way into getting on level 7 swim so i didnt have to go in unless i wanted to. so walking through a disgusting amount of green alge just to swim in the sea? pass. the rare times i actually go in the water when im at the beach, even if the tiniest smidge of seaweed touches my body, i'm out of the water in under 2 seconds. granted if i lived in a country with a gazzilion people in it during the summertime, i'd probably swim through shards of glass too cool off, but i really don't see myself like this little dude acting like a hippopatimus in that shit. also, what the fuck is "gunge"?

WAIT, WHATS WORSE THAN MISSING 3PKs? MISSING 4

you could argue that the womens final is bigger than a mens quarterfinal game, but mens sports are always more competitive and entertaining than womens sports and the discussion ends right there. brazil went first and elano sent his PK about 3 stories high. next shooter for them, who ever it was, at least made the goalie save it. next player apparently wasn't watching elano's shot or was trying to out do him, cause he airmailed his shot and the last guy looked should reconsider his 40 foot head start on his kick if he's just gonna chip it wide left..when you can kick the shit out of the ball like some of these players, why not JUST SHOOT IT AT THE NET AS HARD AS YOU CAN. i mean how does not ONE player on one of the top 5 best national soccer teams in the world not score?? worst of all that my Chelsea boy Ramires said after the game "After the way we played today, I've never seen a more unfair result in my entire career.." PKs are always shitty, but if you cant even put it in the net on 4 tries then no one cares you out played them for 120 minutes.


seriously though, how fucking awful was elano's shot? he had to have money on paraguay

WOMENS SOCCER TEAM LOST. WHATEVER

exciting game even if watching them play is the same as watching me play FIFA, just kicking and passing to no in particular. losing on PKs blows but someone let hope solo know that next time she's in PKs, try not to pick a side 10seconds too soon. yeah, i know she guessed right during the brazil game and made two saves. but its not like you're trying to save a laser shot from alex here. these chicks on japans team avg body size is probably like 4'8 85 pounds, not really the prototype for drilling shots with authority in the upper corners. should have just waited for the shot instead of guessing. not to mention japan had never been in penalty kicks before and were probably pissing their pants about missing, they obviously were just gonna make sure it was on net, even if they had to hit it soft. either way, even if they won, people probably would have stopped caring by the end of today anyway. 

p.s. i bet whoever hope solo is banging is gonna get the anger fucking of a lifetime when she gets back to the states. she looks all business in the bedroom.

JETER SKIPPING ALL-STAR GAME CAUSE HE'S EXHAUSTED FROM BEING SELFISH

So Derek Jeter is skipping out on the all-star game because he's "emotionally exhausted"? Uhhhh spare me bro. I'm actually not sure what is more embarrassing: jeter's excuse, or the writer of the blog blowing him and saying its a solid reason. First of all, Jeter realizes that 27 other guys have reached 3,000 hits before right? He wasn't chasing a record or trying to be the quickest to reach a milestone..he woke up Saturday morning with 80something games to get ONE HIT. think anyone gives a shit that a career .313 hitter is exhausted at getting one hit in 80 games? I wonder if Jeter didn't reach 3000 hits till Friday night, if he'd ask to sit out the weekend because he was emotioanlly exhausted.

"Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter will not attend the All-Star Game due to 'emotional and physical exhaustion' from his pursuit of 3,000 hits, according to two people with knowledge of his thinking."

Yeah, screw the pennant race he's in or the fact that the yankees are looking up at the sox in the standings, he needs to relax after his exhausting pursuit to reach a personal milestone. Least we know he won't give a shit watching the sox win the world series this year, as long as he's got his 3000 hits.

HAVING ONE

I tried using the wordpress blog and now testing blogger out too see what works better. I think I like how the display is on wordpress more than this. either way both are pretty confusing. and I want to copy and paste what i wrote on there to here, but this won't let me paste it which is kinda bullshit.

For whatever reason, I stopped writing on Ken's wall about a year ago. I just kinda stopped, gave up, quit, and essentially ended my career as a blogger. Since then, I've failed tremendously at getting even the smallest motivation to keep writing on kens wall (since i'd have an automatic audience of how ever many friends ken has on facebook) or just starting one on a blogging site. But with no job or career prospects, I've finally reached Jason Segel's point of self loathing in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I mean, I wish I was in a rut over a girl and not unemployment, at least being heartbroken has some excitement too it. Either way, I had to do something to give myself something to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something. So I'm gonna give this a shot and hope it can get me to at least Larry David's point of self loathing.