FRANCK RIBERY WINS TITILE, GETS PUNKED BAD BY JEROME BOATENG

I've seen the fear that Ribery has in face one other time in my life and that was when most of the boys area at summer camp chased Dan Pios around the soccer field for absolutely no reason. Just started chanting his name and crowding him then he took off for his life. I mean look at the 12second mark of the video...guy is HUSTLING. Just played 90 minutes for a championship and now sprinting around the field being chased by his own teammates. Not only being chased, but he thinks he's out run Boateng and then gets cornered by Alaba till he gets drenched. To be honest though, they played Augsburg and won 3-0 so this was probably the hardest he had to work all week. He had to have been laying on the ground thinking he'd have to stop being Muslim, transfer clubs and eventually have to figure out how to murder Boateng without getting blamed. 

Me and my bro Ribéry everything is Fine it was nonalcohol Beer so all Good pic.twitter.com/rg6w6OGFdN

— Jerome Boateng (@JB17Official) May 14, 2013

RIO FERDINAND..

 DM -Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand has called for an overhaul of the Professional Footballers' Association's 'flawed' Player of the Year voting system. Tottenham forward Gareth Bale scooped both the main award and young player honour last month, before adding the Football Writers' prize as well. For the prestigious FWA honour, members could vote virtually until the result was confirmed. Yet the players have to vote much earlier, which Ferdinand feels leads to an inadequate conclusion. 'The problem with the PFA awards is that the voting system is flawed,' Ferdinand told manutd.com. 'There's so much technology at hand that you could do it over an iPad and just say 'bang, bang, bang' at the end of the season. 'I am not just being biased but if it was voted for today Robin van Persie would win it by a country mile. But it was voted for by the players in late February or March. Gareth Bale is a worthy winner, but for me it isn't a true reflection of the season.'

"True reflection of the season". RVP scores one league goal between January 30th and April 16th. United lose one game in that stretch. During the same stretch, Gareth Bale had eight goals and scored in every game but two. The result of those two games? Spurs losses. You tell me which player was more valuable you...I honestly couldn't think of a word off the top of my head so figured any of the below words would work to describe him.

RYAN CLARK TALKS SHIT ABOUT BRADY. CITES HIS ONE WIN VS BRADY IN THREE TRIES

PFT -"Steelers safety Ryan Clark is already licking his chops about playing the Patriots in Week Nine. Clark said on ESPN that the Patriots have taken a step backward by replacing Wes Welker with the “fragile” Danny Amendola, and that quarterback Tom Brady struggles when he starts to feel pressure and can’t find an open receiver. “I think what’s really underestimated is Wes Welker’s importance to not only the New England Patriots, but Tom Brady,” Clark said. “Losing him is huge. . . . I know they think Danny Amendola can come in and have the same type of numbers he had with the Rams, but we also have to remember, he’s fragile.” Clark believes that if Brady isn’t seeing his favorite receiver getting open quickly, then Brady is going to struggle. “When Tom Brady gets pressure and when you’re man-to-man and bumping those guys and making it hard for him to throw, he sees ghosts,” Clark said. “Even when guys aren’t around him, even when he’s not about to be sacked, when his clock goes off in his head that the ball should be out, we’ll see him duck, we’ll see him flinch. When you get Tom Brady doing that, the whole New England Patriots mystique goes away.” Clark referenced a 2011 game when the Steelers beat the Patriots and held Brady to 198 passing yards. “Two years ago we played them and dominated them because we went man-to-man and had a big corner in Cortez Allen on [Rob] Gronkowski, and made it hard for Tom Brady to get the ball off, in timing, and made him to have to make plays. It was hard for him.”

Does he think people are taking his opinions and insight seriously? No one cares if you think Danny Amendola is "fragile" or what you think of Tom Brady's pocket presence. Why doesn't anyone care? Cause the Steelers never beat New England. Maybe once out of five tries. What makes Clark's statement even more of a joke is him referencing that they held Brady to 198 yards passing in 2011. Those 198 yards would back you up a little more if Brady didn't throw for 749yds with 7 TDs and no picks in the two other games you played against him. Don't feel like bringing up your coverage schemes for those games? Very convenient.

GUY HAS THE SNIFFLES FOR A YEAR AND A HALF CAUSE HIS BRAIN WAS LEAKING

MyFoxPheonix -"For more than a year and a half, Joe Nagy's nose just wouldn't stop running.

The condition occurred once or twice a week, especially when he sat up in bed, but within a short time his nose ran constantly. At first he put it down to year-round allergies caused by the Arizona weather. 

 Eventually, Mr Nagy's condition became unbearable,' I got to the point where I had tissues all the time' he told Fox 10. It also caused Joe some embarrassing moments in public. On several occasions he failed to reach his tissues in time and fluid would spill out. He finally went to the doctor to be told his runny nose was far from run-of-mill allergies: his brain was leaking. Mr Nagy underwent surgery. It didn't require any cutting into the brain itself. Instead the procedure is carried out through the nose and essentially glue was used to seal up the hole. 'This is just a bit of cartilage from the nose that we can get to repair over it and then the body will seal it up,' said Doctor Nakaji. This week, the gauze was removed by doctors from his nose. Joe began to wait for the dripping to begin.

'I was waiting for the dribble. This leaking cause I was so used to it every day. I got my hankie. Nothing. It's never come back.'

It's amazing to me that this guy last a year and a half. Not because he had brain fluid leaking out of his face, but because no one murdered this guy for sniffling and having a runny nose for that long. He must not have many friends and definitely not married because no sane person would see this guy every day listening to him sniffle and not suffocate him to death, yet alone live with him And you know what, it wouldn't surprise me if Joe Nagy agreed with me if you had told him from the start he'd have brain water coming out of his nose on a daily basis

OTIS NIXON...EEESH

DM -"A legendary former Major League baseball star was arrested over the weekend and booked on drug possession. Otis Nixon, a longtime center fielder, was pulled over in suburban Atlanta just after midnight when a passerby called 911 to complain about his Dodge Ram 'weaving.' Officers investigating the scene reportedly found a crack pipe in Nixon's pants and a crack rock in the vehicle and arrested Nixon, 54, on possession of cocaine. An incident report from the Cherokee County Sheriff's Department notes that another pipe and more crack rocks were discovered in the floor board of the car. A field sobriety test was administered and it was determined that Nixon was not under the influence of crack cocaine. The former player told the police that the substances they found were crack cocaine but that neither the pipes nor drugs belonged to him."

Straight out of the Faces of Meth Hall of Fame, Otis Nixon looking like the mitt he used to play with. I know the expression is "crack kills", but I bet D.A.R.E would have a better chance reaching kids if they used this picture and said "crack scrunches the shit out of you face".

JUANNNNN MATAA!!!!!!!!

GET OFF THE FIELD FERGUSON YOU FOSSIL! CMON CHELS!!!!!

HOW DO YOU SAY 'GOOD NIGHT' IN SWISS?

Never in doubt. When is the final for this tournament anyway?

"THE GODS WILL NOT SAVE YOU"

Good 'ol Ervin Burrell in the "The Money Pit". A true soldier of the Baltimore Police Department. Love when I see actors in small roles back in the day. Like the picture of Jeremy Piven as the a doctor in "Heat" when he's got no hair or seeing Isiah Whitlock Jr. as the doctor in "Goodfellas"

CRIMINAL

What just happened???? Can someone just explain what just happened? Never seen anything like it before. Known asshole Luis Suarez, who already blatantly handled a ball, BITES Branislav Ivanovic mid-game. Daniel Sturridge, Liverpools best player on the day, misses a challenge on Ryan Bertrand and gets him studs up right in view of the ref..not even a yellow card. 

Oh and the six minutes added on at the end of the game? Disgraceful.  Five subs, a goal, and PK and he gets five minutes? Before you say "well it took forever to take the PK blah blah blah", realize that it took forever cause Suarez, Carragher, and Gerrard were bitching at the ref and Reina was mulling around trying to psych out Hazard. So Liverpool wasted time, then got it added on at the end of the game. Makes sense. Not to mention that Chelsea had possession of the ball at the 96min mark, which was how much time was added, but the ref let the game keep going on. Insane 

I get that all Petr Cech has to do is make that save and it wouldn't be as big a deal is at is. Chelsea looked tired and it showed in the second half. Can count on two hands how many times they've choked this season. The players and coaches know it. But this game was an absolute joke from the first 10minutes when Daniel Agger fell over on his own and Torres got whistled for a foul, up until the ref and Suarez were smiling in the faces of Chelsea players after the game. Not sure what they think is so funny. But I doubt either one of them will be smiling after Suarez gets told he's banned half a season and the ref realizes how embarrassing and atrocious he called the game. Won't be so funny then.

TORRES TIME

Bout to run right over that buck toothed rat scumbag Luis Suarez and the rest of whoever Brendan Rodgers chooses to send out to the wolves. And anyone who doesn't think Torres is scoring today is out of their mind. Might bag a brace, one for Rafa and a winner for himself

C'MON CHELSEA

YEAH MAN. THAT WAS "QUITE SOME HIT"

Had a roommate in college who would rip his bong so hard sometimes that I saw stars when he'd be coughing after. Like ripping it till the smoke was like a faint yellow, straight looked like poison. Never understood why someone would smoke like that. I'm sure there's someone out there who can hit more than this guy, but I wanted puke watching this guy power through that bowl. My biggest question is what did this guy do like five minutes after he smoked. Had to have just been staring off into space for 20 minutes right? Pretty sure I'd faint if I tried to stand up after something like that

SCUM CITY

Question for Kun Scumbag Aguero. You think just cause you won the league last year you can just two foot stomp David Luiz's ass? I mean he doesn't even try and get shy about it or hide it. He literally jumped with two feet trying to land on him. No red card? What kind of fucking asshole reffing is that? On what planet is this not a red card all day everyday? How bout Vincent Kompany literally trying to take Fernando Torres' shirt off at the penalty spot and there's no whistle. Torres' stays on his feet trying to score when Kompany is pulling him down. Does the ref want Torres to fall down in order to justify giving a PK there? And people wonder why there's a diving problem in football. 

FA CUP SEMIFINAL...TYPICAL

FA Cup Semifinals, what else is knew. Wonder if City think cause they beat us all the time that they think they can cruise today. I also wonder if City know that Chelsea are close to owning the naming rights of this whole tournament and the stadium. Game might as well be at Stamford Bridge 3-1 Chelsea with Torres scoring.

LONG LIVE THE KING OF WEMBLEY

EUROPA LEAGUE QUARTERS SECOND LEG

Wasn't the right score, but I was spot on with crushing Rubin Kazan last week so Chelsea can rest some key guys. Mata, Oscar, Hazard and Mikel on the bench and obviously Ba left home. Don't hear any bitching about fixture congestion this week, huh? My only question is: Does Rubin Kazan even want to play this game? Not even playing at their home stadium and down 3-1 and Torres was running all over them last week, he's gonna score again today...I mean whats the point for them? The game and the tie will be over before the 30min mark

SCOTT PARKER DRILLING EMPTY NET GOALS AGAINST BASEL

Parker fail by Samu035

Figures it looks like Scott Parker has shit all over him when he finishes like that on goal. You're gonna miss empty net goals 100% of the time with diarrhea on your arm.

EUROPA QUARTERFINALS

I've got a solution for Chelsea having too many matches: beat Rubin Kazan today 4-0 and no one has to worry about the away leg next week and can rest some guys and even leave some home. Boom, problem solved, win win. Torres on the double today as usual

ONE DAY THIS LITTLE KID WILL APPRECIATE HOW LUCKY HE GOT

DM -Meals of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches washed down with glasses of milk might sound like a dream diet for a six-year-old, but Tyler Trovato has no other choice.

Tyler, from St. James, New York, is allergic to nearly every other food due to a condition that leaves him with vomiting and lethargy so severe that he has to go to hospital if he eats the wrong thing.

When he ingests a food he is allergic to - such as chicken, turkey, rice, sweet potatoes or bananas - he suffers stomach pains two hours later and vomits, sometimes until he bleeds.

It's followed by lethargy and diarrhea and a visit to the emergency room.

Poor kid. But could you imagine if the kid was also allergic to MILK? A life of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and having to wash it down with water?? Give me death. Yeah the little guy might dump his brains out if he eats a sweet potato fry, but I got to think he made out OK with getting to have milk with his lifetime of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

THIS DENTIST DESERVES A ROOT CANAL WITH NO NOVOCAIN

DM -An Oklahoma dentist accused of putting thousands of patients at risk of Hepatitis and HIV because he prodded their mouths with filthy instruments has been found hiding out in Arizona. Health officials opened their investigation into Harrington's surgeries after a patient with no known risk factors tested positive for both hepatitis C and HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. It turned out the person was a patient of Harrington's and had recently had a dental procedure at one of his clinics. As some 7,000 patients began getting checked for hepatitis or HIV on the weekend, the Tulsa oral surgeon, Dr W. Scott Harrington, who has refused to comment on the allegations of dangerously poor hygiene at his clinics, was holed up at his second home in Phoenix, ABC News reported. Harrington told officials he left questions about sterilization and drug procedures to his employees. 'They take care of that, I don't,' the dentistry board quoted him as saying. The doctor also is accused of letting his assistants perform tasks only a licensed dentist should have done, including administering IV sedation. The complaint says the doctor's staff could not produce permits for the assistants when asked. Susan Rogers, executive director of the state Dentistry Board, said that as an oral surgeon Harrington regularly did invasive procedures involving 'pulling teeth, open wounds, open blood vessels.' The board's complaint also noted Harrington and his staff told investigators a 'high population of known infectious disease carrier patients' received dental care from him. Despite the high-risk clientele, a device used to sterilize instruments wasn't being properly used and hadn't been tested in six years, the board complaint said. Tests are required monthly. Also, a drug vial found at a clinic this year had an expiration date of 1993 and one assistant's drug log said morphine had been used in the clinic last year despite its not receiving any morphine shipments since 2009.

This story puke city. I'm getting AIDS just thinking about getting AIDS at the dentist. This guy is all like "thats not my job i dont handle that stuff". Uhhh doc, you ever think about checking how clean your office was when your hygenists were handing you already been used floss? Seems like having sterile equipment is dentistry 101. Its a mathematical fact that nobody likes the dentist. The only good part about having a dentist appoint is when I'm leaving. And my worst complaint when I leave the dentist is that the hygenist had absolutely no regard for my gums with the floss. These people are wondering if they have cavities AND hepatitis. This dentist is the reason there are anti-dentites in the world. 

CAN YOU STILL WIN THE "TREBLE" WITHOUT THE FA CUP?

This morning makes me rseriously wonder if people think United are better than Chelsea. Do people really think that? Without Mark Clattenberg reffing, Chelsea would beat United 9 times out of 10 this season and the one loss would probably be because of a Chelsea own goal. 

The game this morning though, I've never laughed harder on April 1st in my life that watching Rio Ferdinand get SKULLED by Ba on that goal. I bet the entire game Rio was telling himself he had it under control and he was playing well and then Demba was like APRIL FOOLS BRO YOU'RE OLD AND GROSS

TOP 10 QUESTIONS GOING INTO SEASON 3 OF GAME OF THRONES

Biggest questions I got going into season 3 of Thrones, which premiers tonight at 9:00. Lot of characters and story lines and knowing HBO, they just gonna pile more on top of us. But based off what we've seen the past two seasons, these are things I want answered within the first five minutes of episode one.

*****SOME SPOILERS INCLUDED*****