Daily Mail -"Depending on who you speak to, Jaquan 'Jay Cash' Layne either has a love for crack cocaine and marijuana..or cognac and ugly ladies. Both words were used in a surveillance recording of 20 year old Layne, who is accused of being the head of notorious Harlem gang Goons On Deck. He and four other members of the 137th street gang are facing charges relating to drug dealing and weapons offenses. Layne, already in prison on other convictions, was recorder talking to associates on a pay phone in Rikers prison. It was during these conversations that Layne used slang terms, and the meaning of these terms led to the bizarre and amusing sparring match between Detective Alfred Hernandez, of the NYPD drug enforcement task force, and Layne's lawyer Frank Rothman. Detective Hernandez told the court that 'yak' was a rhyming code for cocaine while 'scud' referred to marijuana. Mr.Rothman said that, in Layne's world, 'yak' was a contraction of cognac and that 'scud' referred to a female who appears to be attractive from a distance but who isn't, close up."
So essentially my man Jay Cash is getting accused of running shop from prison and the narc says he knows this cause of the slang he's using on the phone. I'm no student of the law, but I'm pretty sure I'd handle this pretty easy and just be like "Judge, please see the 33 second mark of exhibit A- Pinky." Case closed.
The answer is unquestionably true. If I didn't read the article and saw the picture, I'd have thought these were an old ladies feet. Like Betty white or some shit. Just fucking gross. Why do people think she's attractive? Look at her and her stupid fucking hair and ugly narrow head. Oh and her outfit looks like a table placemat. Clean your shit up.
This picture is obviously old, cause it was from the Monday night game, but this is the chick who was sitting next to us who was grinding on me and had the tattoo on her ass that she showed everyone. I should have just proposed to her at the game. Much better fan than the annoying broad in the Bills jersey at the pub on Sunday..girl had to be told when the Bills scored, then screamed in my ear. Like, yo girl, i was just at Scarlets for four hours and didn't sleep, my head is still pounding from house music..shut the fuck up
ps- if you're wondering why you cant see me in the pic, its cause I was in the stairway jumping up and down like a little kid
Impressive game to say the least. 10 men shmen men, Blues dominated the whole game for all but like two minutes. The big story was obviously my boy Torres who scored a very classy goal and then got sent off on an awfully harsh red. The ref Mike Dean, who can be seen flashing a nice heil hitler salute at the :16 mark in the clip, was terrible the whole game. Guy had no control. Books Mata for something, then no booking for a worse foul on a Swansea player. Pretty consistent. There was no way that Torres' tackle was worthy of a red. He's a fucking forward, dude isn't gonna have a text book slide and that fucking pussy Mark Gower, who was bitching about the tackle after. Explain how Gower can go down like his shin was broken, then say he was "grazed". Shit is all fucked up. Either way, I loved seeing Torres out there not fucking around, showing some fire. Only a sign of good things to come.
game notes:
-Torres was pumped when Mata was signed and its obvious why. Mata's ball to Torres was on the spot, perfect ball and a great finish.
-Ramires can cover the entire field like its nothing. Guy is a maniac out there. Both his goals were well assisted, including a hockey assist from Torres.
-Game well in hand, why would Lampard expect to play or even want to go out there and risk something happening? Game was a perfect opportunity to use a sub on a young player to get some league PT. I hope that the rumors of Frank being upset is just English media being English media
-How bout my boy Didier coming in for the first time since getting sucker punched and getting his first goal of the season. Definitely nice to see and good for him. Good sign for the team since they'll be without Torres
Since I've been following The Blue's, PK's mean one thing and one thing only: disaster. For some reason though, I had a good feeling about yesterday shootout and it turned out to go Chelsea's way. I mean 10 men for 70 minutes and being the team to force the issue is just solid soccer karma. But that's not the main story here. Since apparently FSC thought Serie A is more important than the Carling Cup, I had to watch a stream of the game on the computer, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have the worst fucking internet luck in the world. It follows me everywhere. In New York, it was terrible, figured it was just Time Warner just fucking with me to get us to upgrade. So when I moved back down to the house in Boca, figured I would at least getting better connection..nay. I could plug an ethernet cable from my comp into a server at AT&T headquarters and I'm positive it'd still be bad. So on Ruiz's shot, I had no clue if it went in or not, but heard the crowd cheer which is always a positive sign for a home game.
Game notes:
-The first half was pretty bad to watch, streaming wise. Froze during McEachran's try and Sturridge's offside call, so can't give a fair assessment on it. But from what I could see, McEachran played well and it was good to finally see him get some run.
-Thought a straight red for Alex was bullshit. Definitely got all ball first, a PK was even questionable, but I'm biased. Either way, it definitely altered the tactic's/sub's the rest of the game. Good to see AVB make solid adjustments and changes.
-My boy Lukaku played too well not to find the net, but it's coming for him. Kid worked and played very hard and it's gonna pay off for him soon. Believe dat. Luiz and Romeu also were studs, youngbloods got game.
-Classic this season Frank missing the first PK. Guy is struggling. Also on the struggling note, Flo is just amazingly unreliable. He is the literal definition of a Jekyll and Hyde player
-Overall good win for the mentality of the team and even better the young players had a big hand in it
Daily Mail -"A son stabbed his mother to death and poured chemicals over her body after she refused to buy him tickets to and Avril Lavigne concert, a jury was told. Robert Lyons, 39, is facing a possible life sentence after being found guilty of first degree murder. Angry that his mother, 61 year old Linda Bolek, wouldn't call a friend to arrange concert tickets, Lyons stabbed her nine times in the back and then doused her with insecticide and drain cleaner..'The defendant was washing something away. He was washing away the problem in his life, his mother' Assistant State's Attorney Amanda Meindl told a DuPage County court in Chicago yesterday.."
Look, living at home isn't easy. I'm doing it now, its not the best thing in the world. For instance every time I go to the kitchen to get something to eat, I'm told I shouldn't eat it cause I'm "too fat" or I need to "learn portion control". Or getting told I use too many towels, then after using the same towel for two days, she says I'm not changing towels enough. Cool, ma. Those are things you get pissed at your mother for. Murdering her? Debatable. But Stabbing and dousing her with chemicals over not getting tickets to Avril Lavigne is definitely crossing the line. What I really wanna know is if this guy was gonna wear a tie like all those girls in high school used to do when Avril Lavigne was popular. He looks like that type.
ps- How pumped was the states attorney to bust out that "washing away" line. Real smooth
Daily Mail -"Male deep sea squid end up mating with members of their own sex as they cannot see properly in the murky depths of the ocean, scientists believe. Researchers discovered the mishap using a remote controlled submarine in the Monterey canyon off California. Their footage showed males belonging to the squid species Octopoteuthis Deletron struggled to distinguished between potential mates and members of the same sex 800 meters down in the dimly lit Pacific."
I could care less about gay squid, but when I saw the story I couldn't help it cause it gave me a perfect excuse to post this video, which is the only point to this blog
Obviously I want the Sox to make the playoffs and will still be cheering for them to get in, but I'm gonna make this short and sweet. Tito needs to get CANNED. Even if they win the World Series I want him gone. Guy fucking can't manage baseball games. Forget 2004 and 2007, those years don't count for this argument. He just can't fucking do it. Every season he pulls shit that make no sense and gets a pass cause he won two world series. Last night and tonight couldn't make it anymore obvious. Bottom 9 last night, down two, Ellsbury gets on base with no outs. Pretty sure Jacoby has 435 steals this season, never mind that there was no chance the Oriels would try to throw him out if he took off for second, cause an error put him at third with no outs. WHY ISN'T FRANCONA SENDING HIM??? Pedrioa bats into a double play next AB and that was that. Then tonights gem..Beckett on the hill with a 4-1 lead. He gives up three unanswered runs to blow the lead over TWO innings. Why not send him back out for another one right? Gives up two more runs and thats that. Those are just two examples cause they are fresh on my mind. He just fucking sucks.
There's plenty of blame to go around for why they are even in this position to begin with, but I think it's clear at this point that he's toast. Theo shouldn't be too far behind. I'll never get over him trading Masterson for a Victor Martinez rental, when anyone with a brain who loves the Red Sox knew they were eventually gonna get Adrian. Waste. It goes even higher, but there aren't enough negative things to say about the ownership in my opinion. Just changed the whole atmosphere and environment of the Boston Red Sox, bunch of Pink Hat owners. Pathetic
And don't think I forgot about you Marco Scutaro. Sox wouldn't be in this spot if it wasn't for you being a giant pussy against the Rays last week and JUMPING OVER THE BALL AND BROKEN BAT instead of trying to field the ball. Seriously, what wouldn't have been the end result of getting hit in the shin by a broken bat a rolling speed? Bruise? Small Cut? Thanks a fucking million bro. Oh and also thanks again for that gem tonight when you were on second base, one out no one else on. I mean obviously you should hold up on ropes over the pitchers head that are dropping behind second base. Some serious heads up base running you fucking moron. He should have been at third and heading for home before the ball got near Jones' glove. He gets thrown out at home, the result would have been the same on the next AB, which was end of inning on a double play, but at least it would have looked like you've got a pair. Amateur hour.
Writing posts that they lose aren't nearly as fun as when they lose, so this will probably be quick. Whats ironic about how it played out, is that this was probably Chelsea's best game of the season in my opinion. Of course all the bad is what sticks out, but looking past how unlucky they were, I though they were solid. Good passing, A LOT of chances, and all things considered, the defense played well. Most of all, like how I said after United beat Arsenal, still wasn't impressed with United. They turned the ball over a fucking ton, their first two goals were clearly offsides, and their third was a mumble jumble and a lucky deflection. Cool. Looking forward to seeing the game at The Bridge, when both teams are well into the season. Pretty sure the result will be in favor of The Blues.
game notes
-Big fucking deal, Torres missed two sitters, but Ramires' miss ultimately was a game changer. Still, big deal. Just wasn't their day. No sense on dwelling on it. After Ramires' miss, it was good to see them keep playing well.
-Great half time sub to bring Anelka on for Lampard. Everyones been saying it since the season started: its shitty, but Frank just ain't cutting it for them anymore. The formation to start the second half needs to be used going forward in my opinion.
-Sturridge just seemed to tense for the game, played very tight and rushed. It's only his third game back, but still, was a little disappointing to see him sort of take a step back so to speak.
-Thats all I got. Lukaku is the man, United are scum, and I'm already looking forward to Wednesday.
Daily Mail -"A couple have been found hanging from a bridge in the Mexican border city of Nuevo Laredo after being disemboweled and mutilated by attackers. The motive for the gruesome attack was to warn social media users not to criticize Mexican drug cartels on the internet. Next to the battered bodies was a sign reading 'this is going to happen to all those posting funny things on the internet, you better fucking pay attention. I'm about to get you. The woman, thought to be in her 20s, was tied to the bridge from her feet and hands as her body dangled topless with her innards protruding. The mans body, also believed to be in his early 20s, was hanging from just his hands."
Another one of those sad stories, cause people got killed, but lets be frank here: like 1,000 people get murdered a day, its like the modern day wild west. But is this what life as blogger is gonna be like? I'm thinking who've I've talked shit about that I got to watch my back for. Got Minaj now, Hells Angels prob wouldn't be too happy with me calling them soft. But I guess this is just another reason why I'm glad I'm blogging in America, cause ripping my innards out and hanging me from a bridge is at least frowned upon here.
ps-for you sickos, the picture of the bodies are in the article
Daily Mail -"When Nicki Minaj was pictured in an eye-catching multicolored pom-pom top on Monday, she predictably sent camera flashbulbs popping. But the look has become the subject of controversy after a young designer claimed the star's look was a 'blatant copy' of her own creations. Jessica Rogers, 21, says she was in tears after seeing pictures of the hip hop artist who wore the garment to the Carolina Herrera show at New York's Fashion Week. She told Fashonista.com that she has been producing her 'puff ball' garments for the past three years, under the brand name SomedayNewYorker. Miss Rodgers claimed she had even been approached by Miss Minaj's stylists in the past, and eagerly sent images of her work in hope of some celebrity endorsement for her label."
Alright well first thing is first and that is that this puff ball thing is fucking stupid. And second and most importantly, how bad does Nicki Minaj want to be Lady Gaga? I'm serious, look at how she dresses now a days. Stupid wigs and weird as fuck outfits. Get your own schtick and quit copying and stealing peoples look. Wannabe Gaga.
And no, I don't listen to her music, but I'm sure it sucks. When I listened to Da Drought, I changed it every time the song came on that she was in. Kreayshawn is the only female rapper I like.
Daily Mail -A 17-year old high school student has been charged in the brutal murders of both his parents, after they threw away his stash of marijuana. John Granat has been arrested and charged with first degree murder of his parents 42 year old Maria Granat and 44 year old John Granat who were found bludgeoned to death at their family home. Authorities say that the couple had discovered John was growing marijuana at their house a few weeks earlier and had thrown it away. Since then Granat had repeatedly told friends that he wanted to kill his parents for what they had done...Granat claims he had slept in the basement on Saturday night and awoke early sunday morning to find his parents dead...Granat initially said he returned home 8pm Saturday evening and remained there all night. But a Palos Heights police officer had pulled the teen over at about 5am for a broken tail light. He later said he slept in his car..."
The answer is true. Look I don't want to make light of the situation here cause this kid is an absolute scumbag for doing this, but talk about an overreaction. I mean murdering his parents over them throwing his pot away? Uhhh that what parents do. I'm pretty sure my parents have thrown out or taken my pot a couple dozen times. My dad found some in my car one night and he gave it to the guys in his golf foursome the next morning. I dropped maybe a .3 nug on my driveway that my mom found one day, she confronts me that she found "a quarter of an ounce" on the drive way and tossed it. Know what I did each time? Went and bought more bud. Pretty standard procedure. And who the fuck grows pot in their parents in high school? That what college is for.
Well I guess one thing won't be misinterpreted about Torres and thats he can still be a fucking force. I was very happy for him to see him active all game and playing with confidence. He couldn't have had a better first touch/shot of the game with his back to the net. Not to mention he really wasn't that far off from being on target. Sure he didn't score, but it was exactly what they needed out of him. On Luiz's goal, he made himself open in the box, took a great ball from Ashley and saw Luiz clearly for a perfect pass. Then I'd say he 1000% redeemed himself for his pathetic 3-1 from the Sunderland game on the last goal, great one-two, took the give and go with a solid touch and got himself wide open in the box with Mata just chillen waiting to bury it and that was that. Solid game all around.
Game notes: -Once again Chelsea was pretty inconsistent in the midfield. The excuse I'm using is that they just can't get in sync with each other with different guys playing every game. Probably should matter since they practice all the time together though. But need to make an effort to stop playing so horizontal -Luiz can strike the ball like a forward and his goal was pretty serious. But as hilarious as his celebrations are, if he's gonna keep dropping to his knees after goals, he needs to not put his face right in front of someones junk like he did with Bosingwa -Wonder if Lampard at all thought "hey, maybe playing as a sub isn't all that bad" after he turned in a solid 30minutes coming on late. -Bring on those United scumbags
Well the finale of the show can be summed up in one word, which is pathetic. Pretty sure the only people who actually liked Entourage at all over the last 4 seasons were chicks, cause after last nights show, all the comments about how much the show will be missed were from girls. "already miss ari!", "definitely cried the whole show", "i'm gonna miss entourage so much!!!"... Just proves that Entourage turned into a girls show, like Sex in the City but with guys.
As for this last season and the show on Sunday night, it couldn't have been any worse. It was actually kinda embarrassing. The show starts with Vince saying he's getting married. Set the tone for the whole episode. The reporter who hated him and shit all over him, spends one day with him and completely changes her outlook? Not to mention the show is suppose to revolve around him and they don't even show him with her on the date OR him propose to her, so they just forced the storyline on the audience. Cool. Turtle, who wants to make something of himself on his own, just gives up when he becomes a millionaire under awfully annoying circumstances? Lame and even more lame cause for whatever reason, the writers actually wanted to give him a "real" story line. E and Sloan get back together, riveting stuff. Drama, who essentially took Vince's role of the character trying to get work, did nothing. I get that they want a movie, but they did nothing in the last episode to lead in to anything, except Ari getting offered a job as CEO, which was a good twist, except it took till AFTER the credits to get too. Maybe its a good thing, cause the writers will get a chance to redeem themselves with a fresh plot line. Maybe. Plus, I'm not fucking happy they used a Led Zeppelin song to end it either. Very un-Zeppelin.
As for the show as a whole..I could probably write three pages of how fucking terrible the show has been for years, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Since the first part of season three that ended with Ari getting fired, there have been ZERO interesting plot lines. Not one. Sure there were good parts to it, but probably I could probably count them on one hand. Most of it turned out to be one big advertisement for stuff, horrible celebrity appearances (including Sunday nights with Rachel Zoe, who's upper lip wrinkles should never be shown in HD). The other was just over the top, far fetched bullshit. This scene from the first episode of season 5 will help get my point across..
Looking past the fact that I'm not sure where all these people came from, how they got there, what island they're on, and whether that girl on the grill was even "grilling"..but just look at the :44 mark when that girl comes out of the ocean with two fish on hooks. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? Seriously, what is the point of that? That sums the show for me. I was reading the wikipedia page for Chris Lilley, who wrote probably the funniest show I've ever seen, Summer Heights High, the other day and he said something I thought was very insightful about writing. He responds to a question on whether he'd write a second season for the show, his answer was "I never thought about it in the beginning because it was always a one off thing. I'm not into cashing in and rolling off into a second series that is not as good". Apparently Doug Ellin didn't get this memo and just decided to ride Entourage right into the ground. And unfortunately, the show is gonna be remembered for the last 4 miserable seasons and not what really made the show a hit, which were classic scenes like this..
Last night was fucking wild. Perfect opening night for the Patriots, coming down to Miami and just wrecking shit. My bro and I got tickets, which were a birthday gift from my parents. Tons of hot girls in pats jerseys including the one in our row who decided to grind her ass into my dick when she left to go get beers. The same girl who had a Wes Welker and Pats logo tattoo'd on her ass, which she proudly show'd everyone after Welker's 99 TD. Oh yeah, she was with her mother also. Love those female Massholes, just upset I didn't take a picture with my face next to it. Anyway, got a text from my boy Lee after the game who said Brady had a "big game"... uhh little bit of an understatement there pal. 517 yards and 4 TDs was the equivalent of sticking his dick down every Dolphin defenders throat. People think the score doesn't reflect how close the game was, but it was probably the opposite.
The kids in the picture I posted were hysterical. Not me hysterical, but unintentionally hysterical. They obviously blazed before the game, cause buddy in the grey shirt was asleep during the entire pre-game. Then they sparked another blunt mid second quarter, which knocked the both of them out till the 4th. The kid in black couldn't even move when people went to get by. He even said "no" to some lady when she tried to get by. Pathetic, learn how to puff nugs before a Monday night game, rookies.
As for the other "dolfans", WHAT A JOKE!!! The section we were in and the one next to us were 80% Patriot fans. It was like a college game where a whole section or two is for the away school and thats just our section. The two guys to the left of me sat for the pre-game and first 5min and then left and didn't come back. Same with the kids to the right of us. Left mid first quarter and didn't even bother to watch the rest of the game there. Probably went to hit up Club Liv, those bros are so ill. When Welker was running in that dagger TD, the place was a madhouse. My bro was jumping up and down on the stairs, everyone high fiving and hugging. One big party. Not too long after that, the few Miami fans at the game started pouring out and were greeted with a solid "hey hey hey goodbye" song for about five minutes. IN THEIR OWN STADIUM. Just amazing.
As for the Curse of the Tartarkins, its finally broken. Took five games of watching the Pats bite the curb in Miami over the last seven years, but finally got to see them show up and dominate the shit out of the Dolphins. Felt great to finally leave that place with my hands up, slapping five with every Pats fan walking by. Curse is broken people!
I don't really care about whether Torres actually called the midfielders old and slow, cause up until last game, they looked old and slow, so he was just calling it how he saw it (besides my boy Ramires). But I'm positive he knows how fucked he is after watching Sturridge do work like he did Saturday. Goal was unfuckingreal. There was only one other Chelsea fan at the pub with me and about two minutes before the goal I was about to say how surprised I was that he started and he'll probably come off soon, since he had been out the first three games, Then BOOM, BACK HEEL TO THE GRILL. Fucking great goal and looking forward to seeing him do work like that the rest of the season.
Game notes:
-Loved seeing the captain get on the score sheet, especially that early in the game. I could really celebrate because when I saw him coming back for the rebound, I put my finger up in the air and nicked it on the ceiling fan, so I was more concerned with whether the top of my finger was still there. First time I felt tall in my life though.
-Didn't have a ton of chances on net, but they played very well in midfield and at least advancing the ball to possibly set up some chances. 60-40 possession in Chelsea's favor speaks to that. Defense was sound also with Ivanovic in the middle with Terry. Still looking forward to Luiz getting out there again. Won't be surprised to see him tomorrow night for the first Champions League game.
-Not only was Meireles a stud playing the full 90 in his first game. But that ball to set the break away up was pretty perfect. Splits the defenders on point, right onto onto Sturridge's foot and sending the forward on his way. What makes it even sweeter was Liverpool playing like shit and losing on the other screens with a ton of their fans at the bar and seeing Raul do work like that. Especially that bum Henderson blowing a perfect opportunity to tie the game. Pretty hilarious.
-Even with the last three minutes being tense from the garbage goal, I think this was the game Chelsea fans have waited for during the first month. Like Terry said in the paper today, this is what they needed to get into a groove moving forward, making it clear its not just a two horse race between those Manchester scum. Even though I'm sure the lineup will be different for the game tomorrow night, it'll be HUGE for the teams mentality to get a great result, which they obviously will. No chance they let Ballack get the best of them at The Bridge.
While I write this, I'm pretending that I'm just as influential as Freddie Mercury and that this post will be the equivalent of being in front of 100+ thousand people at Wembley Stadium. In reality its probably the exact opposite. Anyway, there's more to this blog than what I have so far, but for some reason, I'm feeling spontaneous enough to just put it out there now. I have a few other ideas for it and some other stuff I wanted to write beforehand, but I wanted my friends to at least catch a glimpse of it now. I mean there really isn't a perfect time for something like this, especially when I'm putting myself and my brain out there, so my birthday weekend seems like a good excuse to do it. I'm sure the second I put this on my facebook, I'll be second guessing myself, but there's one thing I've learned in all my years: sometimes you gotta say what the fuck, make your move.
Daily Mail -A major power outage, which left more than six million people in California and Arizona in darkness, was caused by a single maintenance worker, it has been revealed. The power cut took two nuclear retractors offline, grounded flights, caused major traffic jams, and trapped people in elevators and fairground rides in both states...The San Diego County Sheriff's department and other police departments told 10news.com that they have received reports of break-ins and vandalism at homes and businesses...APS, Arizona's largest electricity provider, said a utility worker doing maintenance near Yuma triggered the blackout. Authorities say the outage was accidentally triggered sometime Thursday afternoon when an APS worker removed a piece of monitoring equipment at a power substation in southwest Arizona.
You know that feeling when you fuck up real bad at work or you break something that isn't yours and you get all flustered, red in the face, break into a quick cold sweat? One night at UNF, my boss told me to set up the gym for a graduation and put in like 20 rows of 20 chairs in the basketball arena the next morning. Completely forgot. My boss came in, I was just watching "First 48" or something just sitting there and he flipped the fuck out at me. By the time he was done saying "WHY DON'T YOU HAVE THE FUCKING CHAIRS IN THE GYM", I was already sweating. It ended up taking me like 45 minutes to organize the gym, so it wasn't really the same as say...shutting the power off for 6million people. I would have LOVED to have been with this guy when he removed the piece of monitoring equipment and realized how royally he just fucked up. Just watching the color in his face disappear along with the power in two states is hysterical to think about. All I can picture is the kidnapping scene in "Saving Silverman" when he sees he cut the power to the wrong house..
Daily Mail -"This is the heartwarmingly human moment a troop of chimpanzees see daylight for the first time in 30 years. Some of the 38 primates, who had been locked in cages for medical testing, injected with HIV and hepatitis, embrace and appear to smile before taking their first steps outside. Their new found freedom came after a 14 year battle to set the apes free from captivity after being taken from their mothers shortly after their births and brought to a research facility in Austria. Testing on the apes ended in 1997, when the pharmaceutical company behind the research was sold and the chimpanzees were moved to a farm. But the feat of introducing the chimps to the outside world was no easy task after their traumatizing ordeals. The readjustment period took keepers over a decade- implementing careful techniques that slowly made them comfortable venturing beyond their four walls. The footage, first broadcasted by German television station RTL on September 4th, shows two adult chimps staring in wonder at the grassy land that lays before them after the door to their facility opens. The first chimp takes only a few steps outside before turning around and hugging the ape behind him. Overjoyed, they even appear to laugh. Other apes behind them appear hesitant to follow in their footsteps but make their way out steadily, stepping into the grass and exploring their new found freedom together. Keeper Renate Foidl said: 'The chimps are incredibly happy. This is amazing, I have been waiting for this moment for so long.'"
I know I've mentioned how much I love dogs, but I love all animals. (except bugs and insects and shit, they don't count. They're like the Jets fans of the animal kingdom). I do have a soft spot for monkeys and apes and primates, especially after that Nim Chimpsky story, so it got a little dusty in my room when the one chimp hugged the other. The video is fucking mind blowing to think about. Their first time outside??? Crazy. The one problem with the clip I attached was that it's in German, so I obviously couldn't understand a fucking thing that the woman or the guy being interviewed were saying, but I'm pretty sure it was probably something like: "Yeah so these Austrian scumbags took these chimps and injected them with aids cause thats the Austrian norm. Classic Austria, first they give the world Hitler, now they're conducting pure evil medical experiments on innocent chimps after they take them from their mothers right after they're born. Keep it real Austria." That's pretty much the gist of it.
PS- Hey, Rick Perry and Michelle Bachmann, how bout those chimps walking around and acting like humans? Keep overlooking that whole "evolution" concept, fucking idiots.
Daily Mail -An amorous couple were forced to put the brakes on their moment of passion after accidentally sending their car shooting through 60ft high roof top crash barrier. The couple from Changsha, Hunan Province, southern China, had driven to lay-by on a rooftop car park for a few minutes of intimacy in what they thought were safe surroundings. And as the loved up pair's clinch began to get steamy, the two decided to keep the engine running on their car so they could make use of the air conditioning. But in the heat of the moment, Qiao Hou kicked the car into reverse, sending it lurching backwards towards a horrifying 60ft drop. The pair were saved from a deadly fall when passers-by were alerted to the screams of 43-year old Hou's girlfriend, Lili Tang, who could be heard yelling terror as the car dangled from the rooftop. Witnesses managed to get to their aid and pull the couple from the car, which was only stopped by its exhaust catching on the broken barrier
The last time I had sex in my car, I left the A/C off, Titanc'd that bitch out, trying to get some Kate Winslet action from the girl I was with. Yeah that 100% backfired on me cause I ended up sweating profusely all over the girl while I was smashing away and, mid-bang, had to turn the car on for the air which ended up setting off my car alarm at 2:30am, girl got embarrassed and nervous someone was gonna come out and that was the end of that. Obviously I learned the very important lesson that the AC needs to be on at all times during car sex. Even if it means plunging a brutal 60feet and dying while fucking
Daily Mail -A motorcyclist survived an extraordinary crash after he was knocked out by a low flying pigeon, accidentally hit the throttle on his bike and accelerated to 140mph- while unconscious. Matthew Brealy, 38, collapsed when the bird smashed through his helmet visor and shattered his glasses as he drove along a stretch of road. But he remained on the powerful 1,000 cc Suzuki GSXR which was sent hurtling a further 200 yards before it plowed into an oak tree. The bike disintegrated on impact...Mr.Brealy suffered two skull fractures with bleeding to his brain, a broken leg, cracked ribs, and a fractured hand following the crash in April...'Police told me afterwards they estimated that the bike had gone from 50mph to around 140mph in a matter of seconds but thankfully for me it happened on a straight road which is why I probably didn't fall off the machine...Police confirmed a pigeon was the caused of the accident. My visor was left with a hole in it and I was covered in pigeon blood and feathers...I am 99% back to normal but I have had to learn to walk again but with the support of my wife Emma, I was determined to get on my feet and back to work'".
I've seen three motorcycle accidents in my life. The first was kinda funny cause the guy just kinda tipped over on his bike at a stop sign. The second was a little nutty cause the guy spun out on an exit ramp but he was ok. The third was absolutely FUCKED cause I saw a guy die. I looked out my window to see him sliding down I-95 on his back after his bike smashed into those barrels of sand separating the highway and exit lane. Safe to say I'm very anti-motorcycle. Anyway, I obviously feel bad for this guy but I would have loved to have been the room when the cops and his wife broke the news to him about how the accident happened. Probably something like this:
Guy-"Did i swerve to avoid traffic or something? Or did I get hit by another car or bike?"
Cops-"Uhhh actually a bird flew into your face and instead of falling off right away, you accelerated 100mph and smashed your bike into smitherines against an oak tree"
Can you imagine how mind fucked this was when he found this out? A fucking pigeon almost killed this guy...A PIGEON. Just proves that motorcycles are just moving death machines and pigeons have no regard for humans in any capacity, whether its shitting all over our stuff or trying to murder us.
Marc Savard in the news today. All of it about what I've know for months now which is unfortunately he'll probably not play hockey again. I don't even enough bad things to say about that cocksucking scumbag Matt Cooke who caused this.
Nate Solder got his rookie haircut, which is hysterical. I'm obviously no stranger to seeing a friend with the male pattern baldness haircut, only that was voluntary.
JD Drew hurt himself while he's already on the DL. They say its not serious, but I really could care less what happens with him. His grandslam will always give him a pass with me. Until I have to watch him strike out looking when he gets back
Yossi Benayoun went the other way to Arsenal. Tough seeing an Israeli leave the team, but with Mata along, he was probably gonna be riding the pine a lot. Gunners also brought on Andre Santos and Per Metersacker
Troy Aikman pretty much wants to stomp out Skip Bayless. Bayless talked about rumors of Aikman being gay in a book he wrote in '95. I'm sure he's not alone in people who want to take a swing at him, which I don't blame them. I could probably get a whole blog out of what I think of Skip, but I'll leave it at that I think he's an asshole
